Spedman975

I got bored so I wrote this…

            “What?”

There he stood, standing behind a bench, a man staring at him with his hand outstretched. He blinked.

            “Well… My change?”

            “What…?”

He looked around.

There were lines of people funneling between small desks with computers mounted on them, other people all dressed the same standing opposite. They moved their hands, passing objects past them, taking money from the strangers and giving money back.

He looked down.

There was a drawer prodding him in the upper thigh. He looked at it – it was filled with money. Notes and coins all arranged in order of denomination. He looked up at the screen above the drawer – “$4.82” was flashing in the bottom corner. What could it mean?

            “For God sake give me my damn change!”

He looked at the man, confused. The man looked back, furious.

            “What do you mea…………..”

He fell. The bench came zooming towards his head, eventually colliding with it in mid air. The floor rose from beneath the bench and he slumped lazily on a ribbed rubber mat.

He looked around above him – the ceiling was made of tiles; tiles fading in and out of focus. There must be something wrong with the ceiling, he should tell someone about it.

Another person appeared above him – a woman. Her hair draped around her face and fell on his.

            “Are you alright!?”

He blinked.

            “There’s something wrong with the ceiling…”

She looked up.

            “What?”

Nothing special - as I said, bored…

A small building firm stationed in the lower-east-side of the Adelaide CBD, South Australia, has been developing a brand new and innovative use for the common cucumber. This development has been strictly monitored and controlled to shield it from the public eye until the company released its new cucumber line early yesterday morning. This simple use has been set up by this small firm to reveloutionise the way Australian homes are built today, also set to skyrocket the firm to the top of the building food chain - opening a brand new field in landscaping to explore! The innovative new use for the common cucumber is: gravel

Since the product rollout in the early hours of yesterday morning trucks have been running non-stop to building sites across the state delivering their flagship product, cucumber gravel.

A few cucumbers used in the gravel process¹ Across the state homeowners new and old are flooding the small firm’s switchboards, trying desperately to get through to place an order for the product, now reportedly in desperately short supply. The product has been advertised as an environmentally friendly alternative to the harsh alternative of stone gravel - a documented environmental nightmare as shown by the firm in their advertisements.Even the stasrs themselves are getting in on the craze. Local celebrities such as Ryan ‘Fitzy’ Fitzgerald (radio talk-show host) and even Mike Rann (premier) have placed substantial orders with the company, and even international sensation Bono (U2 lead singer, environmental activist) has joined in. “It’s good to see a building firm finally embracing the organic in a fight against pollution. This firm is leading the way in the environmental fight and they definately have my support,” said Bono is a short interview.While the release of this product has sparked a staggering response from the public, it has also quick-started other building firms in the area. Other firms have brought out competitor products, such as orange gravel and the soon-release pea gravel, however, these have been dismissed as cheap and inferior copies. “These other firms are simply rushing an inferior and might I say, dangerous, product into the market in an attempt to capitalize on our success,” commented the CEO of the original creator company, “we put years of development into our product and it cannot be surpassed by these fakes.”

An example of the inferior copies flooding the market¹ Despite its short time on the market, cucumber gravel appears to be here to stay - and as the CEO says, “the industry’s just gonna have to get used to it!”

External Links:
1 - Google Images

Every story has two sides to it - sometimes many more - and each side is often completely different. For instance, every event in the history of the world, and in particular, wars across the world. This is VERY evident through the two parallel movies: Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima. Both movies tell the story of the American troops invading the island of Iwo Jima during WWII - both even sharing the same footage at certain points. However, each movie tells a completely different story - the story of the Americans and the story of the Japanese.

While this alone is no huge ground-breaking development of filmography, I just thought it was an interesting side-note to the films - the American’s KNEW that the Japanese were evil that needed to be stopped, and the Japanese KNEW that the American’s were evil invaders bent on world conquest - two sides both with completely different vantage points of the same thing.

This reminded me of what my year ten history teacher once told me:

In ten thousand years scientists discovered something very important about life in the twenty-first century - the people in that time worshiped a god of water. In every home and every business there were shrines to the water god(s), separate for men and women. These shrines were used daily and people would kneel down before them (as shown by remnants of small mats found at the base of these shrines) and splash water on their faces as they pray to the god(s). Furthermore, prayer was a very private thing in the twenty-first century as each of these shrines were separated into a private cubicle with its own lock, and men were clearly less spiritual than women as in men’s shrines there were smaller wall-mounted shrines for quick prayer.

So what’s this all from? Well if you haven’t already figured it out, the whole subject of this extrapolation from the future is: a toilet. From this we can see that once something has happened, the way people perceive it depends ENTIRELY on how the story is told.

Think about the last argument you had. You KNOW you were right in that argument, don’t you? But the other person KNEW they were right, and you were wrong. Now if you told the story of that argument to a friend of yours, your friend would then KNOW that the other person was wrong - and vice versa for the other person. Someone’s perception of an event is based purely on the perspective of the story teller. Why is this? Why can’t we see the other person’s point of view - or if we do why do we dismiss it? Because we KNOW we are right - right?

WRONG!!

I dunno - you could be right, no one knows. But next time you have an argument, have a think about how the story is going to be told! What will you tell your friends, and what will the other person say?? How will the two of you look through these explanations? And more importantly, how will Michael Moore portray it in his next documentary??

EDIT (24.03.2008) //
God this post was bad - please just ignore everything that I’ve said here, I mean… It was midnight people! I was delirious!

King of the Hill - “a soft-satirical parody of ‘Middle American’ lifestyle, epitomized by its titular family, the Hills, a suburban Methodist family proud of their Texas heritage”¹. While yes, this simple comedic animation has its moments and can occasionally have its moments, you wouldn’t expect it to have such a momentous suggestion!

This suggestion is called Russian Beer-Lette, a game derived from Russian ROUlette. In the original version a six-shot magnum is loaded with one bullet, and the chamber is spun. Each player then takes a turn at holding said magnum to their temple and pulling the trigger, hoping that they do not get the one live bullet that will most likely end their life. A very black and disturbing game indeed, and russian beer-lette is no different!

In russian beer-lette the server gathers a number of cans of beer (determined by the amount of people participating) and one of these cans is shaken. Each person must then choose a random can with the threat of being drenched in a shower of exploding beer - hence the danger.

While this post may seem completely pointless, I assure you, there is a point - a good point!

This rare gem hidden deep within countless layers of suburban animation comedy must not escape our grasp! The game of russian beer-lette must be embraced by all and must be practiced at all social gatherings! It need not be beer, it could be simple soft drinks - the concept remains the same! All hail russian beer-lette and let it live long and precipitate!

External Links:
1 - Wikipedia: King of the Hill

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There are many people out there in the world with simple blogs powered by the WordPress script. These blogs are the pinnacle of versatility and this is generally the plus side to the whole WordPress experience - and this versatility is usually delivered through a plugin!

As many of you would already know, WordPress has the function to add in as many plugins as you like to do as many different things as you like! You can change the way your blog is displayed, how the user interacts with the site, all down to the general management of the entire website. Plugins are a godsend - to some…

A can of spam¹

Earlier this evening I loaded Spedman975 admin webpanel all to notice that I had five comments awaiting moderation. Naturally I immediately thought, “I set it so comments DIDN’T need to be moderated… except if they have a lot of links in them…” So all in all, this seemed a little odd. But hey, benefit of the doubt and all - so I just thought I might as well click ONE BUTTON to check these comments. So naturally, as I expected in the back of my mind, I got a nice little list of seventeen comments - each filled with links - relating to various interesting products (mainly something to do with gambling, Viagra patches, and so on). COMMENT SPAM - the worst enemy of the new blogger. I don’t particularly want to list off three-hundred-and-seventy-four ads for various drugs and forms of gambling on my blog (thank god for comment moderation!) so I set out to stop this from ever happening again! Being a WordPress blogger I headed to Google to find a comment anti-spam plugin. After sifting though a few possibilities I found a reasonably promising plugin - one that would add in a little verification by asking the commenter a simple mathsproblem (to ensure they’re actually a PERSON). So downloading ensued, shortly followed by uploading to my web server and then the plugin was activated!

Some more spam¹

Problem solved! I leaned back and took a sigh of relief - no more comment spam EVER! Then the horror set in… After activating the plugin I got a WordPress warning, “Could not activate plugin because it caused a fatal error.” I clicked to another page and was greeted by, guess what, a FATAL PHP ERROR!!! The damn plugin RUINED my blog admin webpanel! Nothing worked, what-so-ever! (Double checked my blog - no problem - but still, no new posts or anything)!! My blog was completely ruined…

Long story short - I deleted the plugin and fiddled around with the files through FTP and the problem was EVENTUALLY solved, but still! Just have to remember, one little plugin can bring everything TUMBLING DOWN!!!

… damn spammers - all their fault really.

External Links:
1 - Google Images

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